2011 Prophecies — Unexpected World News Headlines:

Hot:

August 17–
Obama Drops Dreaded Peace Bomb on Middle East; Global Repercussions Mushroom; World’s Evil Dictators & Warlords Throng United Nations in Silent Hunger Protest — Reuters

August 18–
Peace Bomb Update — Untold Billions of Innocent Violent Emotions, Hateful Thoughts, Sadistic Schemes, Nasty Plans and Vengeful Plots Feared Vaporized or Missing Worldwide; Hopes Dim for Their Recovery; Trained Search-and-Rescue Units Report Finding Few Survivors – BBC

August 24–
Massive Ripple Effects Seen: Moslems, Jews, Christians and New Agers Join Hands on Jerusalem’s Holy Temple Mount; Kwanzaa Songs Echo Through Dome of the Rock – Pacifica News

September 3–
Israel Apologizes to Palestinians for Brutally Mistreating and Starving Civilians; Arab States Apologize for Repeated Vicious Attempts to Obliterate Israel; Germany Apologizes for Auschwitz; China Apologizes for Tibet; Australia Apologizes for Kangaroo Hunts and Vegemite; Russia Apologizes for Lenin, Stalin, Pogroms, Czars and Sending Puppy into Space Aboard Sputnik — AP

September 29–
Reputed Torture Centers in China, Bulgaria, Iran, North Korea, Sudan, Burma, South Park Emptied; Former Prisoners Pardoned, Given Medical Treatment, Counseling – UPI

October 17–
Dubai Converts 29 Million Square Meters of Empty Luxury Towers into Pan-Islamic Rape Crisis Centers, Safe Houses; Saudi Arabia Turns Scores of Attack Jets into Flying Fashion Shows – Al Jazeera

October 31–
Multinational Corporate Heads Confess Losing Desire to Screw Consumers, Subjugate Poor Folk, Rape Land, Pollute Air, Construct FrankenFoods, Exterminate Endangered Species – Mother Jones

November 25–
Lucifer Issues Heart-Felt Blanket Apology to Jesus Christ, Pope, Indigenous Peoples and All Sentient Beings; Claims Misbehavior Was Just Temp Job Assignment; Claims His Hordes Suffered Childhood Trauma; Posse Enters Betty Ford Clinic – Huffington Post

December 3–
Top Pentagon Brass Privately Complain Peace Bomb Explosion Might Have Triggered Unstoppable Domino Effect of Collateral Damage: “If this Peace Bomb virus ripples back to completely infect America’s military, our brave fighting men and women might lose their brainwashing, stop blindly obeying stupid orders to arm & then attack foreigners with strange accents who live over oil wells in the Middle East. Plus, 100% elimination of the defense budget might force our architects of death to take on kitchen remodeling jobs.” — WikiLeaks

December 12–
The Peace Bomb Was AntiChrist; Nobody Will Want to Buy America’s Weapons; Now Jesus Might Not Come Back; Oprah Is to Blame” – Fox News

December 13–
Millions of Parents & Seniors Nationwide Treated for Shock as Teenagers Act Polite; Teachers Report Overcrowding Crisis as Students Flock Back to Classrooms, Demand More Math & Science Homework — Google News

December 31–
Perpetual Sunny Skies & Pleasant Showers in Forecast; No Tornados, Flash Floods, Tsunamis, Blizzards, Earthquakes, Volcanic Activity, Sunspot Tantrums, Indecent Exposure, Starvation, Drug Addiction, Murders, Meanness Or Mayhem Expected for Next Twenty Centuries – The Weather Channel

Are these headlines really my prophecies? Absolutely!
So, you ask:

What’s the April Fool’s joke?

Simple—they’re scheduled for 2012, not 2011. Giving the evil forces of the world a little extra time to prepare their complete apology, capitulation & adaptation to the Forces of Divine Light.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Hang in there my friends! Every bit of good you do counts!

Peace and happiness to you,
Copyright 2011 Rev. Scott Ufford,
Christian Spiritualist minister


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